Part of me wants this... Part of me wants that

“Part of me wants security and part of me wants freedom”

“Part of me trusts my decisions and part of me doesn’t”

“Part of me wants to have kids and part of me never wants kids”

And round and round you go…

The Parts Integration NLP technique that I detail below helps people resolve those conflicts between those parts.


Here’s the first thing you need to know:

Even seemingly diametrically opposing values like ‘Freedom’ and ‘Security’ have the same highest positive intention – it could be that ultimately you want freedom so that you feel ‘at peace’ this would also be the same highest positive intention for security.

The trick is finding out what that positive intention is from each part.

Follow on below…

1. Identify the parts, and check for "yes" and "no" for each.

  • Close your eyes and get in touch with the part of you in your mind or body that does, or believes in X...

  • Does it have a name? Does it look a certain way? Does it feel a certain way?

  • Ask that part of you inside your mind, what signal would it like to give us when the answer to our question is "yes"?

  • If you cant think of one, you will know when the time comes.

  • Now get in touch with the part of you that does or believes in Y... Does it have a name? Look or feel a certain way? This will be a different part to the one above.

  • What signal would this part (Y) like to give us to mean "yes"?

2. Determine the desired outcomes and positive intentions of each part in turn

  • Let's start by giving X an audience...

  • Ask the first part (X), what positive outcome does it want for you... and when it gets that outcome, what does that do for you... and then what does THAT thing do for you? Keep going till you get to the real reason you do the thing you do.

  • Now, let's give Y a turn... What positive outcome does the other part of you (Y) want for you... and when it (Y) gets that outcome, what does that do for you... and what does that outcome then do for you?

3. Engage the parts in understanding the interests of the other

  • Ask the first part of you (X) if it understands or agrees with ANY part of the positive intentions that the Y part has for you?

  • If yes, which bit, and how much?

  • Then ask the other part (Y), does it understand or agree with any of the positive intentions of the first part (X)?

  • Which, and how much?

4. Negotiate an agreement

  • Can the two, now seeing each others positions more clearly, agree with each other, to not interrupt or sabotage each other when they are each expressing themselves through you?

  • Ask your X part if it is happy to allow Y to do what he needs to do when he needs to do it and that X will attempt to understand the final goal of Y?

  • Go inside and check for a congruent "yes".

  • Can Y agree to wait its turn to express itself when X holds sway in you?

  • Go inside and check for a congruent "yes".

5. Make a deal

  • Can both sides agree to cooperate respectfully of each other for the foreseeable future?

  • If either side becomes dissatisfied with the other, would it please give a clear sign so that we know it is time to renegotiate? Can that sign be given amicably?

6. Check for ecology

  • Are there any OTHER parts of you that disagree with this deal?

  • Are there any other reasons not to implement this plan now?

  • If there are any incongruencies, return to step 4.

  • If there are no other reasons not to go ahead with this new plan, thank both parts X and Y and open your eyes.

How’d you go?