Energy flows where focus goes

Updated: Sep 2, 2021

Quick back story in point form: (bare with me)

- My brother was killed and beaten up at age 17

- My sister died from Cystic Fibrosis at age 20 (the day before my birthday)

- My father died from leukemia (admittedly, he did make it to 65)

- My boss (who I was 2IC to) hung himself in front of his 2-year-old child

- I had a TIA (mini stroke) at the age of 43

- I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and MTHFR double mutation – needless to say, I was not in peak form.

- My daughter was severely bullied at primary school, then at 11 years old started self-harming and having suicidal ideations and was diagnosed with BPD, GAD and ADHD

- My 9-year-old son broke his hand punching a wall because he didn’t understand what was going on.

- My husband had a mid-life realignment and the family dynamic had to change.

And here I am today - after having been up with my daughter since 3.30am – and having let my dogs in to only leave muddy footprints through a house that I literally cleaned only yesterday… the day after my 46th birthday; in ‘lockdown’ during Covid – the delta wave (for prosperity)

If I kick my toe on a chair leg at any moment, I’m sure the walls will literally cave in!!!!!!!

What’s strange though, is that with all of that absolute rubbish going on; and although my life does look like it’s falling apart – which it is – I feel like I still have a little bit of strength left in me. Enough to know that I need to make some changes, even if all those changes do is get me through the drama, I’ll take it!

Then I realised… even though making changes takes effort and energy and time (all of which I reeeeeally don’t have at the moment), it is actually EXACTLY WHY I SHOULD make those changes – to HELP me get through! Why make my life harder when all of this other ‘stuff’ is going on?!

I get it. We ALL have crap in our lives; whether that crap comes in the form of a pain-in-the-proverbial boss who’s employ you’d love to leave but can’t, or you find yourself in a loveless marriage but not prepared to leave because you couldn’t do that to your kids or maybe your health is sub-par and you just struggle to get out of bed each day – whatever it is, I see you!

And I KNOW, you need to find a way to cope – because the reality is, some of those things wont change (at least not for a while anyway), and you are still going to wake up each day, so you might as well learn how to put one foot in front of the other.

It’s not easy, you say? No. It’s difficult! #EasyPeasyLemonDifficult!

And yes, some days will definitely be more rubbish than others; and some days we will even ‘fail’, but I figure, even if we take two steps forward and one step back – we are still moving forward!

So, Day 1… what’s first?


“Once the ‘decision’ is CLEAR, the ‘doing’ becomes effortless”

1. Making the decision can be difficult – you can feel fearful, all options become laden with potential consequences that take on a significance far bigger than they possibly deserve and ‘fact’ often gets mixed in with ‘speculation’…

2. In contrast, once that decision is made – we actually have a part of our brain that HELPS us follow through with the actions required to make that decision be ‘true’ for us. The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a bundle of nerves at our brainstem that filters out unnecessary information, so the important stuff gets through. Your RAS is the reason you look at getting a new car, then start seeing that exact car everywhere! It’s why you can tune out a crowd full of talking people, yet immediately snap to attention when someone calls your name… Your RAS helps you ‘set your intent’. If you focus on what you WANT, your RAS will take what you’ve focussed on and create a filter for it. It then sifts through the data and presents only the pieces that are important to you. All of this happens without you noticing, of course. It works in your favour without you actively doing anything.

RAS seeks information that validates your beliefs; filtering the world through the parameters you give it. It’s your beliefs that shape those parameters i.e. If you think you are bad at giving speeches, you probably will be. If you believe you work efficiently, you most likely do. RAS helps you see what you want to see and in doing so, influences your actions. If you focus on ‘having’ to exercise but NOT wanting to, RAS will give you a million reasons not to exercise because you really don’t want to – you might even become tired just THINKING about exercising!

Let’s work on getting our RAS to work for us!

- First, think of the goal or situation you want to influence.

- Now think about the experience or result you want to reach in regards to that goal/situation.

- Create a mental movie of how you picture that goal/situation ideally turning out in the future. Notice the sounds, conversations, visuals and details of that mental movie. Replay it often in your head.

Your ‘story’, your ‘identity’, what you believe about yourself… is what you make come true.

What is the “Story” you tell yourself about your life and the things that happen during your day? What’s the reasoning you give for the things that happen or don’t happen in your life? What do you focus on? Do you constantly think about what ‘could have been’, what you ‘should but don’t want’ to do, what is going wrong in your life, what other people have and you don’t, what you haven’t accomplished yet? The more you think about those things, the more those things will be attracted to you. The more you focus on what you DON’T want, the more you will spend your energy on what you don’t want.

Have you ever heard of the pink elephant?

Here goes:

  • Don’t think of a pink elephant.

  • Do NOT think of a pink elephant.

  • Don’t think of a BIG, pink elephant with black spots.

  • Don’t think of a pink elephant with HUGE BLACK spots in the forest.