I have expectations.
I expect people to treat me well and with respect, as we all do.
But what does that look like to me?
- If I call you, call me back or message to say ‘got your call, can’t talk, speak later’ or some other acknowledgement.
o Unless of course you’re my best friend who always takes my call, then when you can’t take my call, obviously you’re busy and you’ll get to me when you can. Totally get it.
- If I invite you over and you can’t make it, I expect you to say ‘sorry, can’t do that day – what about next weekend?’. That’s just polite and shows me that you do want to see me.
o Unless of course you have other things going on that have preoccupied you or you’re one of those people that don’t think far ahead or presume that when you get in touch, we’ll be good to go.
- I expect that you will give me what I need when I need it to the best of your ability – as I would you. Call me at 3am having a nervous breakdown, I’m coming over!
o IF I consider you one of those friends who I drop everything for of course.
o If I don’t, I’m not leaving my warm bed for love nor money and I expect you to understand.
Funny isn’t it. All these rules we have for people in our lives.
We don’t even necessarily realise that they ebb and flow depending on the person, the situation, the mood we’re in on that day.
I have a few people in my life who I let get away with murder – because I like them and so anything they do that bothers me; I give them the benefit of the doubt.
Then, there’s the ‘others’, who literally just annoy the living sh! # out of me.
But if both parties did the exact same thing, I can almost guarantee you (in hindsight) that I will be fine with one of them (Couple A) and pissed with other (Couple B) – even though they both committed the same crime!
So, I must pull myself up here.
Ultimately, I’m being inauthentic.
If I was genuinely authentic, I would either
a) have a problem with both for committing the crime or
b) I would be ok with both and just let it go.
Problem is, I don’t like couple B and I do like couple A – so I’m biased.
My perception of them and their motives skews my opinion of their actions, which ultimately skews my reactions and subsequently my relationship moving forward with them.
But what if I presumed that everyone had a positive intention behind their actions – even if I didn’t agree with them?
- What if those people who see you and don’t ask how you are aren’t being rude, they just don’t want to pry?
- What if those people who say no to a catch up and don’t offer an alternative date aren’t being dismissive, they just don’t want to organise something too far in advance and lock you in.
It would be fairer to give everyone the benefit no doubt AND it would make for better relationships in general.
It’s hard not to see things with a bias.
It’s hard not to see that the people who annoy you aren’t trying to annoy you.
I’m going to do an experiment, to be my most and best authentic self moving forward… I am going to
a) Let go of my expectations of others and
b) Set boundaries FOR MYSELF
You might think of boundaries as something like a property line or “brick wall” used to keep people out. But the way I like to think of boundaries is that it is a means of letting people know what behaviour ‘I’ will accept, what makes 'me' feel safe, valued, and respected.
It’s a way of telling others how 'I' want to be treated (it’s not actually about THEM, it’s about ME!!!)