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"I apologise to my friends"


So, I’m a very forthright woman.


“No shit Sherlock”.

I hear ya.


But, that also makes it very hard when you have something to say, not to say it.


I also acknowledge, that I’m not always right. Right.


So, what if I say something and I’m actually in the wrong?


I’ve potentially hurt someone else’s feelings for no reason.



The thing is… at 47, I know that ‘expectations’ are ‘wrong’ and ‘boundaries’ are ‘right’


But they confuse me.

  • You ‘set’ expectations.

  • You ‘set’ boundaries.

  • Both determine what you believe is ‘ok’ and what ‘isn’t’.

  • Our expectations help us think about what our boundaries are, and our boundaries inform our expectations.

  • When boundaries are set, there's an expectation that they will be respected, and setting boundaries helps us know what to expect in our relationship.

  • Expectations may include ‘I expect you to attend class on time’.

  • But isn’t that also a boundary? i.e. ‘If you don’t attend class on time, I won’t teach it’. Ultimately, that is also then an ‘expectation’.

Am I right? Can you see where I’m going with this?

This is why I was confused.


Until…

I went through a life-changing event that sucked dogs balls.


So exactly how do they differ?


The best way to put it (for me anyway) is…


Expectations = A straightjacket

Boundaries = A warm winter coat


Expectations = trying to control external events or people

Boundaries = determining what is ok with you and how to hold true to YOUR values


Expectations = holding someone to a standard they may not have even known existed

Boundaries = Are for everyone, they are not person specific, they are property lines for YOUR emotions and mental health


Now, lets say, someone pisses you off… and you’re all WOKE and shit and you understand boundaries v expectations.

But they’ve annoyed you.


Let’s say ‘they didn’t call to wish you happy birthday’


Your EXPECTATION is that they SHOULD have done the right thing and called you for your birthday. You feel they knew that was expected and they knew that is what is done.

Anyway, let’s not get off track.


Your BOUNDARY is that you believe ‘people’ should have care and concern for you, especially if they are your friends.


Now this is where I get confused.

If your BOUNDARY says ‘I will not accept people treating me differently to what I would treat them’ i.e. I would call for their birthday but they didn’t call me… then you have every right to say to them ‘I’m disappointed you didn’t call’ or end the friendship or whatever floats your boat.